OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
