ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How's work?
Spinning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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