My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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