Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Green mimosas i think yes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
