When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
