theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
