FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
