remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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