Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
