In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
