Soap is not a condiment
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize