glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
