why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
