I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize