youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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