Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize