We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
