drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
pray to the hookup gods
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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