It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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