In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
