he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
