I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
