Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i will never coherently bang her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
