Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
