I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
