I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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