I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's never too late to be topless.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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