i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
