you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
love makes seman taste better
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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