I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
