I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
