If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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