he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
