I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
