never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
