Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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