Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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