Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
