I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
