I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
