what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
