I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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