idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
