i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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