it was like eating out sand paper
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
