cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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