I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
