I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
