I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
