She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
