He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
