What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are we still banned from the library?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
