Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
