She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
