I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
