i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
