Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
