please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
