Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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