oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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