Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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