So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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