just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize