I think my vagina is haunted
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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