sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How does it feel to date your dad?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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