my sisters under your porch take her home
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
