i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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