I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
