just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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