We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They took my balls.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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