i need an iv and a liver transplant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize