oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
