there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize