im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
