Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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