They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
