what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
