it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
