I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
