tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
People in love make me want to vomit
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
