Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
