bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
