thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
