Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
nutella sex= disaster
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
