Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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