Why are handjobs necessary in class?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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