he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
