We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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