Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
