I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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