3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
