You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nutella sex= disaster
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
