Little spoons don't ask big questions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
