I wish my penis had an off switch
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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