That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
