He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize