i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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