I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
