Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I believe in your delicious
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
