Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
